Now these qualities differ in kind; hence the affection or friendship they occasion may differ in kind also. There are accordingly three kinds of friendship, corresponding in number to the three lovable qualities; since a reciprocal affection, known to either party, can be based on each of the three, and when men love each other, they wish each other well in respect of the quality which is the ground of their friendship. Footnote 1i.e., they wish each other to become more virtuous, pleasant, or useful as the case may be; so that there is a different species of will-wishing in each case. Thus friends whose affection is based on utility do not love each other in themselves, but in so far as some benefit accrues to them from each other. And similarly with those whose friendship is based on pleasure: for instance, we enjoy the society of witty people not because of what they are in themselves, but because they are agreeable to us.
Hence in a friendship based on utility or on pleasure men love their friend for their own good or their own pleasure, and not as being the person loved, but as useful or agreeable. And therefore these friendships are based on an accident, since the friend is not loved for being what he is, but as affording some benefit or pleasure as the case may be.
Consequently friendships of this kind are easily broken off, in the event of the parties themselves changing, for if no longer pleasant or useful to each other, they cease to love each other. And utility is not a permanent quality; it differs at different times. Hence when the motive of the friendship has passed away, the friendship itself is dissolved, having existed merely as a means to that end.
Friendships of Utility seem to occur most frequently between the old, as in old age men do not pursue pleasure but profit; and between those persons in the prime of life and young people whose object in life is gain. Friends of this kind do not indeed frequent each other’s company much, for in some cases they are not even pleasing to each other, and therefore have no use for friendly intercourse unless they are mutually profitable; since their pleasure in each other goes no further than their expectations of advantage.
With these friendships are classed family ties of hospitality with foreigners.
With the young on the other hand the motive of friendship appears to be pleasure, since the young guide their lives by emotion, and for the most part pursue what is pleasant to themselves, and the object of the moment. And the things that please them change as their age alters; hence they both form friendships and drop them quickly, since their affections alter with what gives them pleasure, and the tastes of youth change quickly. Also the young are prone to fall in love, as love is chiefly guided by emotion, and grounded on pleasure; hence they form attachments quickly and give them up quickly, often changing before the day is out.
The young do desire to pass their time in their friend’s company, for that is how they get the enjoyment of their friendship.
The perfect form of friendship is that between the good, and those who resemble each other in virtue. For these friends wish each alike the other’s good in respect of their goodness, Footnote 2See 3.1 above, and note. and they are good in themselves; but it is those who wish the good of their friends for their friends’ sake who are friends in the fullest sense, since they love each other for themselves and not accidentally. Footnote 3i.e., for some accidental, i.e., temporary or not essential, quality: cf. sects. 2, 3. Hence the friendship of these lasts as long as they continue to be good; and virtue is a permanent quality. And each is good relatively to his friend as well as absolutely, since the good are both good absolutely and profitable to each other. And each is pleasant in both ways also, since good men are pleasant both absolutely and to each other; for everyone is pleased by his own actions, and therefore by actions that resemble his own, and the actions of all good men are the same or similar.—
Such friendship is naturally permanent, since it combines in itself all the attributes that friends ought to possess. All affection is based on good
or on pleasure, either absolute or relative to the person who feels it, and is prompted by similarity Footnote 4There is some uncertainty here and elsewhere in these chapters whether similarity
refers to resemblance between the friends (as 3.6, and cf. 1139a 10, καθ’ ὁμοιότητά τινα), or between the different forms of friendship (as καθ’ ὁμοιότητα, 1157a 32, 1158b 6) , friendships based on pleasure or profit being only so called by way of resemblance,
i.e. in an analogical and secondary sense. But the latter consideration seems irrelevant here, and is first developed in the next chapter (sects. 1, 4). It is true that whether similarity between the parties is an element in all friendship (although this is implied by the words who resemble each other in virtue
in 3.6) is nowhere clearly decided, and it can hardly be predicated of some friendships considered below. of some sort; but this friendship possesses all these attributes in the friends themselves, for they are alike, et cetera, Footnote 5i.e., absolutely and relatively good and pleasant: cf. 4.1. in that way. Footnote 6i.e., in themselves, and not accidentally. Also the absolutely good is pleasant absolutely as well; but the absolutely good and pleasant are the chief objects of affection; therefore it is between good men that affection and friendship exist in their fullest and best form.
Such friendships are of course rare, because such men are few. Moreover they require time and intimacy: as the saying goes, you cannot get to know a man till you have consumed the proverbial amount of salt Footnote 7Cf. Aristot. Eud. Eth. 1238a 2, διὸ ἐις παροιμίαν ἐλήλυθεν ὁ μέδιμνος τῶν ἁλῶν
, hence “the peck of salt” has passed into a proverb.
in his company; and so you cannot admit him to friendship or really be friends, before each has shown the other that he is worthy of friendship and has won his confidence.
People who enter into friendly relations quickly have the wish to be friends, but cannot really be friends without being worthy of friendship, and also knowing each other to be so; the wish to be friends is a quick growth, but friendship is not.